mother's little helper

While cleaning the kitchen the other day, I was mentally lamenting the fate of the 1950s housewife: no opportunity to pursue her own potential, beholden to an expectation of perfection, denied any vestige of personal expression, and desperately numbed to the banality of her life by the effects of valium and cigarettes. A few years ago a friend passed me a photocopy that had been going around--excerpts from a high school textbook on Homemaking. Among the degrading and misogenystic instructions were; 1) Be certain to have the house in order when your husband returns home from his long work day. Tidy up the children so they can greet him cheerfully at the door. 2) Take some time before your husband is due to make yourself attractive for him--change out of your house dress and fix your hair and lipstick for him. 3) Be sure to have his paper and slippers (cigarettes and/or pipe) ready in his den. He may require a light shoulder rub, or your sympathetic ear to relieve the stress of the day. This was success in the life of the post-WWII era wife and mother. Ewwwww... I considered how many brilliant, creative, diplomatic and ingenious women lived and died supressing their own value and denying their own needs. Then, between puttng away clean dishes, microwaving Kid Cuisine, picking up kid clothes, fighting the war against the summer ants and scheduling karate, swimming, acting and horseback riding, I realized that nothing (for me, at least), has changed. I am far more amenable to an hour of cooking and dishes (with not even the accidental thank you) if I smoke a little pot...to numb myself to the brainless chore. Increasing womens' "choices" hasn't changed the fabric of society...I am either denegrated for wanting my own challenges to conquer, like going back to school or working, or I am mocked for being a stay-at-home mom. There are still those who think that women who stay home to care for their children do so for lack of any other abilities, education or potential. Women who choose to work, often because they have spent their pre-parenting lives building a careeer, are still reviled for abandoning their responsibility as a mommy. You can't win for losing. All this choice is no choice at all. As with every year, an independent actuary firm calculated the value of services provided by the stay-at-home wife and mother as she would be compensated on the open market. For 2005, I earned $134, 121. I am still waiting for my check. And no matter how many dishes I do or underwear I fold, there is always more mindless labor in need of my attention. Not the best use of my bachelor of arts in Film...but then again, what would be? The dreams of accepting my screenwriting Oscar died the night I watched the Academy Awards on the TV screen over lane 14 at the bowing alley where my Insurance Bowling League played. And yet, I would take insurance adjusting over whinning for cookies any day. At least there are a few men who leave their jobs today to dedicate themselves to their children and families, and although they constitute a small percentage of the stay-at-home population, still those of us who put the family first can begin to be disrespected equally regardless of gender. So who's fate am i lamenting, really? Anyone who finds joy in having figured out how to beat the elementary school pick-up line...for lack of other challenges to conquer. I'd better go, I have a sink full of dishes...